How many different guys you'll meet in your 40s

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THE A-Z GUIDE TO STAYING SANE WHEN DATING ON APPS AT OVER 40

The sad truth about today’s day and age is that apps are the one sure-fire way that you can meet other single people and single men looking to couple up. And we mean that in any sense of the word, relationship, FWB or polyamorous fling. That gives dating apps the advantage when it comes to meeting people you want to date or have a fling with. But you can spend hours and hours on said apps without really getting anywhere, it can be hard to gauge real-life attraction from a dating app, and they’re designed to be highly addictive so can actually keep you single. But not if you bear these following things in mind.

Dating apps are addictive, if you didn’t already know

Yup apps are addictive, if you didn’t already know. And that goes for any age, even at over 40—when we should know better. Ever noticed how those online romance apps draw you in with matches you just must see, also by email, make messaging hard without upgrading to fully paid membership, and every time you go in, instead of showing the person who just messaged you, you’re instead faced with a whole plethora of new matches or people that you simply must see. Algorithms might be matching you up with potential singles, but they’re also plotting the best way to make money out of you. Dating apps are big business after all.

Do dating apps create relationships, or chances to meet more singles?

It is not actually in an app’s best interest to get you signed, sealed and delivered with someone. It is in their interest to keep you single and dating as many people as possible during the time you use them. There are a few ways to try and cheat the technology and make sure that your experience is as good as possible though. For example, restrict the time you spend on them and don’t get ‘grass is always greener’ syndrome. If you meet someone good, then try to focus on them and don’t keep looking at other potential matches. At least for a while.

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Use dating apps wisely, take breaks, and restrict the time you go on them

Once you can come to terms with the fact that apps are addictive and that you should use them wisely, it’s good to create a plan on how you want to use them. For example, try to do membership month by month because you never know when you’ll want a break, and when you’re talking to enough guys you can come off them again. And only go back on when you need to meet more potentials. While tempting to go on and off them all day, for weeks or months, it’s also good to try to use them only at a set time every day. For example, give yourself half an hour in the morning or half an hour at night to check messages, match and talk to someone on there you find interesting.

Find the date apps that work for you and stick to them

Ever heard of the paradox of choice? That’s when the more choice there is, the harder it is for you to make any decision. So considering the amount of guys or girls on each app, it’s a good idea to stick to the top two preferred apps, or even one for a while, before trying a new one. You’ll soon find the ones that work for you—they all give slightly different angles on this thing called dating. Try a few out. Then focus on the one(s) you like the most.

IRL is still king

Think of dating apps as only one way that you can meet the person of your dreams. Other opportunities might still crop up in real life if you let them… The guy who fixes your bike, in a bar somewhere, meeting friends of friends who’ve just broken up with a long term partner. Singletons might still walk into your life now and again, and it’s worth trying to meet people in as many places as you can rather than only relying on the dating apps for new matches. You might be surprised how the universe will deliver you people you like.

With dating apps, it’s a numbers game

You might meet the guy or girl of your dreams straight away. You might have to go on 100 dates to meet someone you actually like. It’s a combination of luck, opportunity and expectations. The more you know what you want, i.e. the higher your standards and expectations, the less likely it is you will meet someone fast. Bear that gem in mind when you’re on your 100th date and still don’t feel like you’re getting anywhere.

Weed out the fake profiles or fake dating apps quick

Fake profiles are rife on dating apps, watch out for people who delete their profile and then turn up with a different name or photo. A lot of fake profiles are scripted, and their initial message to you may also feel very scripted. Fakers or ‘china-porters’ as they’re known, can nowadays use AI to make responses in English, for example. Photos too designed and prince charming-looking? Words mentioning relationship, love, your needs and ‘Netfilx and chill’ in just the right ratio? There are many, many, fake profiles out there. Be a little wary, yet without writing everyone off, especially when you start sharing your personal mobile number and/or sending photos or videos to someone you haven’t met yet (I recommend that you don’t share anything personal to someone you haven’t met in-person). Being cautious is a must on dating apps at any age. Always try to cross check the information people are sending you.

Be honest about where you are, relationship or fling, when you’re dating


This one sounds obvious, but the dating world would be a MUCH better place if everyone was just honest about who they want to meet and when. If you’re just out of some long-term relationship, chances are you are looking for fun rather than to settle down. And while it might still happen if you meet the right guy it’s a more likely scenario that you need time to be alone/single.

In summary about the dating apps

 

If you’ve been on those 100 dates and now really want to meet someone to get into (gasp) a relationship with, you can be honest about that. If it scares non-serious people off, then so be it. It’s good to check in as regularly as possible where people are on their dating journeys and ensure everything matches up. A good way to do this, is just throw it into the initial app conversations: “I’ve been dating a lot recently and just wondered what you’re looking for. I’m down for meeting someone more serious now, doesn’t mean that’s you if we don’t gel, but I’m open for it if we do.”

Traditionally us woman (yes, I’ve seen ‘The Rules’ too) have been taught to hide how we’re really feeling and fake that we don’t care that we actually want to meet someone for something more meaningful. I really don’t advocate this way of thinking because at our age, we simply don’t have time to waste messing around with non-serious options. And it’s also totally ok to tell guys you’re not ready for something serious. Don’t waste your time or other people’s time is the main message here. Thank you. 

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