Life's too short for boring dates, so here's how to avoid them

Life is too short for boring dates. This has always been a motto of mine, and the more dates I go on, the more I stand by it. Life at over forty is busy, there are kids, exes, school, shopping cleaning, tidying, my house to get right, and frankly if you’re boring I’d rather do any of those things than go on a date with you. I’d even rather sit and watch paint dry because at least then I’m alone with my own thoughts about what I actually do want from a guy. Who definitely won’t be boring… because worse than boring dates is of course a boring life partner. I believe that the words ‘boring date’ need to be banished from dating vocab forever, and here’s how.

How to gauge if someone’s boring long before you even go on a date

Because of my hate of really boring dates, I’ve discovered a few ways that you can tell how boring someone is from dating app chat. Now, honestly, my first date is usually pretty standard and unadventurous anyway, because the first date is always a short date for me. Think of a local coffee, or a really short walk in the park. The first date is usually the litmus test for spark, chemistry and that they’re just not downright weird or creepy and have managed to hide it. It’s when we get past that, and I know that I like or fancy them enough for a second meeting, that I employ these tactics to make sure that I’m going to continue to enjoy myself. I usually just slip in some questions.

Questions to slip into conversation to gauge their boring score

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done on a date?

  • Then you can make it your mission to top it – unless it’s walking the San Francisco Bridge, it’s probably possible.

What is something that you’ve never done before that you want to do? Shall we try it together?

  • This question also helps weed out anyone too into the sexual side of things. At this question, if that’s what they’re looking for, they’re probably not going to be scared to ‘slip it in’ as it were and give you a loooong account of sexual preferences. And you can then find out about some strange fetish or that they only want a fling or even an FWB. This has actually happened to me #truestory.

I found this cool thing. Wanna go with me?

  • A wise friend of mine once said to me that she always makes the guy come up with the first few date ideas because if she starts doing it, the guy continues to expect it. But I personally don’t mind setting the bar high, and seeing if they reciprocate without too much prompting afterwards. I’ve also literally said to someone ‘It’s a pet peeve of mine if I have to come up with every date idea, I really value proactivity from guys about that.’ And lo n behold, he actually did come up with some pretty good ideas after that.

You can come up with date ideas of things to do, things you wanted to try anyway


Bouldering – bonuses with bouldering is that you can see how athletic a guy is, and how helpful he is to you when you fall off from the top rock and almost injure yourself. Bouldering places are usually great places to hang out at, they’re cool and trendy with good bars and usually a selection of unpronounceable beers in bottles that all the kids nowadays are drinking. And you don’t have to dress up and make a huge effort looks-wise; sports gear and light make up all the way, baby.


Ping Pong – so I am good at, and love, a game of ping pong. Also known as table tennis. Not so many people can play in today’s day and age so if I find a guy that can play, I am more than happy to go and thrash them in a table tennis bar. Again bars like that are usually trendy and have a vegan burger menu on offer as well as the table hire. Of course sometimes the guy will manage to thrash me. Either way we have fun talking as we bash the little ball around.


A drive somewhere random out of town – so far I’ve done a walk to a lighthouse at the beach, a forest lake walk, a lake swim, a spa/sauna visit. It goes without saying that before you get driven anywhere remote with your new dating adventures beau, that you want to make sure that they aren’t going to go all strange on you and that you’re comfortable with them in their car. So this I save for the guys that feel really safe to me. A spa date in the Netherlands can be a bit confronting; all spas are mixed naked!! On the couple of occasions that I’ve managed to get a date into one, you can inspect the goods and try before you buy. I guess they can too. Bonus!!

Make your date do the hard work and come up with something original

The best way to banish ‘boring date’ is to also encourage your potential date to come up with things they wanted to try. It lets them know your expectations early on in the dating process. If this is my aim, I’m straightforward about it: ‘Anything you wanted to go to or do that you haven’t yet done. Let me know. Perhaps we can do it together…’

Other ideas to spice up boring dates:

Play a game, like let’s guess where each other are from on the date, and whoever gets it right first buys the dinner or the drinks.

Swap tales about the best dates you’ve been on before you meet up. This serves as a massive hint that your expectations are high. It can also be an intelligence test – do they pick up on your massive form of hinting or are they as oblivious as Donald Trump is to his unpopularity scores.

Conversation starters – I’m into dress up, sewing, cosplay (just fill in your own preferences). Then turn up in some form of your hobby, just a touch. If you’re into leather and bondage for example you could turn up to the date with something that hints at that and steer your conversation towards it.

Check out my socials on Instagram for more boring date avoidance nuggets: @atozdatingover40

In conclusion about boring dates and how not to have them

Do the work, try to see in initial conversations how boring they are (or are not), plan a short first date just in case. And most of all enjoy yourself as much as possible on those dates with all those ideas and things that you wanted to try anyway 🙂




Life is too short for boring dates so here’s how to avoid them

Life is too short for boring dates. This has always been a motto of mine, and the more dates I go on, the more I stand by it. Life at over forty is busy, there are kids, exes, school, shopping, cleaning, and even my house to get clean and right. So here’s some quick ways to banish ‘boring date’ from your vocab.

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