Two guys high-fiving, about dating


A little summary of what and who can happen when dating at over 40

I wanted to give a really quick summary of what sort of topics I’ll be diving into during our journey of what it’s like to date at over 40. We’ve all heard the dating terms, usually about what will happen or who we will meet, but what does it mean when experienced, at our age, in the flesh and bone? That’s what’s important to me because far from you simply reading about it, I want to bring it all to life for you. You can think of me as your little experiment, living out as many dating experiences as I can to tell you what it’s like—hopefully so you can arrive at your destination (be that relationship or FWB) a lot quicker.

I am currently working on a book, which brings to life in a true personal story each of the cast mentioned in this summary, you can sign up to the newsletter or my social channels to know when that comes out via the bottom of the page. In the meantime, here’s a long list of some of the suitors you might meet. It’s at least the ones I have met along the way.

Read, enjoy, then go forth and date a whole lot better prepared than before. You’re welcome.

How many dates have you been on in the last 18 months?

I’ve had around fifty dates in the last 18 months. I tried to do at least one date a week, although not always with a different person of course as at times I started dating someone more regularly for a few months. This is called modern-day dating—it’s a numbers game for the most part. In summary there have been some wankers, a few watch-outs and a few more who ‘just weren’t good enough’. Let me dive now into them all here for you.

Getting your head around dating in your 40s

There are so many complex combinations of possibilities in dates, delights I had no idea about in my 20s, all of who rear their heads quite often nowadays. And I’m still getting my head around it all. Let me give you some examples:

There are the ones that don’t get to the actual date, dick pics, wanking videos, sexual talk right after matching, sprinkled requests of nude photos. Have you experienced that too? So that’s always a no.

who you might meet when over 40 dating

Other dating over forty no-nos in summary

Then there are the usual string of other dater no-nos: turn up to a date 15 years older, 15cm shorter, too Instagram/photo-shopped filtered, too raw, rebound guys, messy histories, or a little too vain. Those ones are at least easy to pass on. Unfortunately, you only know once you’ve had the first date, which is why I like to keep the first date really short (quick walk, or coffee or something similar) and then make a date two arrangement—if we get on. It saves a lot of time, boredom and disappointment.

Middle complexity when dating at over forty

In the middle complexity of dates, it gets more confusing: great chemistry, immature but it takes a while to find out, FWBs who are good while they last but eventually (sex excepted) don’t go deep enough, and even ghosters; that modern-day dating term which means once they realise you like them they’ll disappear and won’t even tell you why.

The dating at over forty crazy dating cast

Next level on my own dating adventures would be the crazy dating cast: illustrated first-off with a gigolo. You might wonder how I found out he was one? When he shared his website and a price-list, but apparently my first meeting was free. Next there was a fetishist with a thing about smelly feet, tights and socks. He wasn’t up my street especially when he told me he liked to wear the tights & ladies’ underwear himself, and even later there was a tall story teller who shrunk in attraction, fast. That one’s exes included a rocket scientist, model, and famous ballet dancer. I slept with him anyway after too many G&Ts and afterwards (if I was judging it all from the sexual experience) I was sure he’d never had a long term relationship in his life.


There was even a F*ck Bois who left out a 10-year serious girlfriend until we were arranging date two. She, blindly unaware of how unfaithful he was being. Moving on.

The brave new world of dating at over 40

Finally, comes the pinnacle. The brave new world of dating at over 40. Those trendy set-ups hard to imagine but when you know you know. Like: open relationships, polyamorous, and ENM (ethical non monogamy)–otherwise known as f*cking many but as everyone knows about it, it’s ok. Just make sure your sexual health is up to date – hello One Day Clinic Amsterdam and an STD scare. Yes that really happened, but thankfully everything came back clear.

Ever been faced with a confused polyamorous person on a date? I have

My polyamorous contender has to be illustrated with a sexy older guy who I dated for more than half a year. At the end, he took me out to an expensive what I now call ‘final supper’. Here he kind of but not really broke up with me, by telling me that while he’s poly, which means ‘many loves’ if you didn’t know, he now didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with me and the French hottie he’d met while I was out of action in bed one week in November sweating through a nasty flu. Confused? Yes, so was I because this was supposed to be what he wanted. 20 minutes of serious talk later in this restaurant that was far too busy and public, I told him what he should have told me; ok let’s both move on because this is confusing even open-minded me.

That one still hurts. It was quite recent.

Stay positive, whatever age you’re dating at, over forties or younger

One of the most important mantras while dating however many you have to, to get to your Mr Right or meet your next ‘the one’, is to stay positive that one day you (and I, dear dear readers) will learn from past mistakes, get through the dating pool of ‘not quite rights,’ stop with the ‘love scraps’ to finally hit the heart bullseye. Right? Hope is always a very good thing…




Life is too short for boring dates so here’s how to avoid them

Life is too short for boring dates. This has always been a motto of mine, and the more dates I go on, the more I stand by it. Life at over forty is busy, there are kids, exes, school, shopping, cleaning, and even my house to get clean and right. So here’s some quick ways to banish ‘boring date’ from your vocab.

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